Medical Jibberish

I've decided to make a list of terminology and abbreviations I use in this blog:

/c = with

/s = without

/a = before

/p = after

d/t = due to

r/t = related to

AEB = as evidence by

Dx = diagnosis

Tx = treatment

r/o = rule out

Eh, that's all I can think of now

Work Avoidance Report Card

For Christmas, I received a "Work Avoidance Report Card". At first I was only slightly offended: "I am not a procrastinator!" Then I quickly realized that it really could be a guide to more productive non-productivity.

Light Sabers and Force Fields

Lately, it's all about Sterile Fields. So naturally, Star Wars came to mind (I don't even know why though. I don't even like Star Wars...or Star Trek for that matter). Anyway, the Sterile Field is kind of like a Force Field of sorts. Well, I dunno. Maybe it's not, but it's sacred anyway...you've gotta keep it separate from everything that's not sterile. 

Hmmm...maybe it's more like magic, b/c a lot of things just seem to magically become sterile (i.e. we "consider" various things sterile). Clearly, things that are pre-packaged sterile (like sterile gloves, catheter kits, etc) are sterile, but other stuff is just "considered" sterile (i.e. b/w your collarbone and your waist or the table is sterile, but anything outside that is not. Your armpits are not considered sterile...even if you use deodorant. 

If you even touch the air outside this Sterile Field with something sterile, cuidado! you have just broken the Force Field; the Siths* are gonna take you out! It's suicide to even think about moving something not sterile through a sterile field. That'd be like, I dunno, leaving the house without your Lightsaber...or your cell phone.

*I'm really not a Star Wars nerd. I had to Wikipedia that one.

Just Because We're Not MDs...

I hate Care Plans!...particularly the Nursing Diagnosis. When ever we're told to do a Care Plan, I think, can't we just skip this and send the pt a "Get Well Soon" card instead? Ok, I know they're important, but what a round-about way of saying what's wrong with the patient. I guess in some situations it may be more helpful like for emotional/psych issues, but what about for someone who has a Fib/Tib Fx. Let's do a Care Plan for that one, shall we? 

Nursing Diagnosis: Mobility: Physical, Impaired.   r/t: pt remaining in bed x3 days (wonder why? read further...as evidenced by: (oh, there it is) BROKEN LEG! (but we can't actually say that b/c we're nurses and only docs get to really say what's wrong with someone.) 

I mean, I don't blame them for being protective of that right...they did go to school for a long time. Alternatively, we get to rummage around in some groddy old corner store to scrounge up some totally vague problem the patient is having, like impaired mobility, /s actually diagnosing them medically and just saying "this guy's got a broken leg". 

Shoot. Impaired mobility. That's really a one-size-fits-all kind of statement. I mean it could be d/t a broken leg, conversion reaction, LE amputation, gain greene, CVA, trauma of various flavors, arthritis, surgery, edema, etc, etc, etc... Well, now I come to think of it, it's not that general. There is also Mobility: Bed, Impaired and Mobility: Wheelchair, Impaired. I don't really see how those can't fit into "physical, impaired", but maybe it's b/c then "Impaired mobility" would be too general...it's likely I should know that by now...hmmm.

But maybe our Nursing Diagnosis really does give the doc a hint as to the medical diagnosis, 'cuz, ya know, we know the answer too! By the nurse saying "impaired mobility: physical" we are kind of hinting to the doc "broken leg" but letting him/her come up with the official terminology on his/her own so they don't look dumb if they didn't notice the patient's foot sticking out to the side like their doing the Charleston.

Whoa! I just found an even better one..."Risk for Disuse Syndrome"...what the heck! 

Here's another one..."Self-care Deficit". That's a nice way of saying someone looks like they were pulled through a hedge backwards. Or how about "Health Maintenance, altered" this is maybe how you could describe a funky dresser? Oh, or maybe those people who wear way too much cologne...

Or if saying they look ugly isn't enough, you can also call them dumb..."Knowledge Deficit". I think I will have to start using this one in every day conversation.

Aaahhh...I'm going to forgo the "Care Plan" idea. I've worked myself into a twitter from this Nursing Dx thing, and am bored with this post...likely you feel the same way.